Weight Loss

Remember that one time I posted about joining WW and being all excited.

Yeah. I lost that excitement and now I’m trying to conquer my feeling like a failure. My husband is going to looks all hot and fit and here I am 6 pounds HEAVIER than when he left. Yikes. There is so much emotional baggage behind my weight that I’m wondering if I should see someone to get past it.

How do you learn from your eating mistakes? How do you find the energy to start, One More Time?

I know I have to do it, but I don’t know if I can fail again.

What a debbie downer post.

Have I talked about weight yet?

blah. Weight.

I’ll use my real numbers. Which is Hardcore! I think at my smallest I was 138 pounds. I was exercising about 4 hours again and eating from a South Beach Diet. It was a diet that I wouldn’t be able to maintain. I moved and there wasn’t a gym (or the awesome YMCA that I had) and I had troubles with not stress/emotionally eating.

I met Jacob and started dating him and we both became a little lax with our exercising and eating well. We ate out a lot of meals or ordered Pizza to go with our movies. So we gained weight, Jacob at a slower pace than me.

On our wedding day I weighed 175.

I felt wonderful: Graceful, Beautiful, and Lovely.

Then I got the photos. I looked at every flaw, the double chin, the arm flab, and back overflow.

When I gave birth to Peter my weight climbed to an unhealthy 228.

That’s where I stayed. I dropped 15 pounds within two weeks of giving birth to Peter. I had a lot of water weight that fell off as the swelling went down. The next two years of his life I went back and forth between that 15 pounds range.

In February I started Weight Watchers (my Aunt paid my membership for my birthday present). My starting weight was 228. I wanted to slowly drop weight to be at a healthy starting weight when we became pregnant again. I was on Weight Watchers (WW) for three months. During this time Jacob started talking about joining the military and I had a lot of emotional what-happens-if-he-never-comes-back eating. I lost 7 pounds in those three months. I’m proud of those 7 pounds. They were hard earned and lost during a stressful time.

I then had bad gallbladder attacks. And a couple more attacks. To the point where I was scared to eat and be in the horrible pain again. I lost 13 pounds in two weeks. Man that was NOT the way I wanted to lose weight. Since I dropped the 13 pounds so quickly I gained most back: from, you know, eating.

I joined up again with WW two weeks ago. I started at 218. I have a goal weight in mind. I would like to be at 185 for Jacob’s Basic Graduation. I think I would feel great! That’s losing 32 pounds between now and then. I can do it. I have a buddy that I’m checking in with throughout the day. I’m at 214.4 today and I’m happy to be actively doing something about my weight instead of just being miserable about it.

Jacob has been gently encouraging me, and I have the support to succeed. I’m hoping to check in every week with three things: What went well (and I want to remember to do again), what I need to change, and my weight for the week.

Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed with the big numbers so it’s broken down to 5% loss and 10% loss, one mini goal weight, and then my 184. With each one I hope to gain a little more momentum. I just reached my 5% goal and I’m so excited! Gives me hope that I can do this.