Phone Calls and other jazz

Some things I’ve learned about phone calls while Jacob’s at Basic.

Before getting a phone call I would jolt down some things I needed to discuss with him. 15 minutes is a lot to cram a weeks worth of information.  Since you write stuff down you can really prioritize what matters the most.

Usually I talk first and let Jacob compose himself. Just normal things that are happening here and about Peter. After a minute or two he normally gives a rundown on things he wants to talk about. I’m there to listen, give support, laugh, and pray with him. Quick Peter moment (more noted below), and I say anything I need to say (prime example: We didn’t get our first paycheck and I needed go ask some quick down and dirty questions. We played “Which bills will be paid this month” and “Shall there be Christmas?”). We say our goodbyes before it’s time to hand up. In fact, we say our goodbyes a couple minutes before the phone call is supposed to end. It’s sucky harder to end a phone call with a “I gotta go, bye!”

Then the last moments we say one thing that this experience will help us do. We have to look at the fact that Jacob is doing this for a reason. We wouldn’t be able to last financially if he wasn’t doing this. Since we  live modestly (mostly) Jacob’s time away will pay off all the little bills that have been paid on little by little (my medical bills/dentist bills), we will be able to save money while he’s gone, we may be able to buy a ‘new to us’ car when he’s done. That would be great, because our one car will not last forever. There is a sacrifice that’s real and hard. Being able to pinpoint something that we are able to get from this experience good, some weeks are rough.

Remember, the phone call will be over in a blink. This is my time to be strong for Jacob. After the phone call, I usually cry (or feel like crying) for 20 minutes. The amount of time crying after a phone call has decreased each week.

We are halfway done.

 

Phone calls with kids:

Peter’s handling his Dad’s absence in a way I didn’t prepare for… He’s ignoring it. It’s been a blessing but sad. He doesn’t like talking about his Dad being gone, but I’m able to tell when he’s acting out because he’s sad or missing his Dad. When that point comes we talk about it. I still mention Jacob like I normally do, but I need to respect that this is the way that he’s handling it.

Peter has a Build-a-Bear (Tiny Daddy Bear =TDB) that’s great. When he’s missing his Dad he pushing on TDB’s  foot and hears Jacob say, “Daddy loves you Peter.” When he’s squeezing TDB and pushing the button over and over… It’s a rough day. Jacob recorded several video clips for Peter (and one for me!), and that’s when I pull it out. We watch Daddy reading books or singing songs or talking about “We don’t pick our nose.” Usually Peter will be able to tell me when he’s done with the videos and ready to play again. For Peter naps and bedtimes are the worst.
This also puts us in a unique position when it comes to phone calls. Peter didn’t want to do it. At all. The first time he was pooping and said, “I no talk, I ppppppooooping (with a grunt).” The second phone call he was sleeping and the third his cousins were here playing and he just couldn’t leave them to play.

While it makes Jacob sad, he understands. Peter will draw Daddy pictures or pray for him before bed. He just doesn’t want to talk to him on the phone.

On Christmas Peter did a quick “Merry Christmas Daddy,” before running away to play. On New Year’s day (a Sunday) Jacob got a 30 minute phone call and Peter said, “Happy New Year Daddy.” He then blabbed a couple words I didn’t understand and then said bye. It’s a slow process.

I have to prep Peter. Daddy may be calling tomorrow, today, this afternoon…. Is there anything you want to say? Can you say ::insert message:: OR I feel Daddy would be very happy if you were able to say “I love you” today.

It’s a slow process. Jacob takes what he’s given in the loving way it was meant. It’s not a lot for adults to say, but from our two year old it’s a great gift.

Frankly, I would rather go about it this way then to have a screaming crying inconsolable  toddler on a phone call.

Jacob has the opportunities to earn extra phone calls. Jacob’s so awesome that he’s had two extra oh shit where’s my phone phone calls and one extended phone call (besides Christmas).

Four more phone calls before we’re able to see, to hug, to hold, to laugh with him.

I can’t wait.

 

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I have to admit

Blogging is not a priority right now.

Jacob is leaving next month for basic. Time sees so fleeting right now. I’m really trying to focus my time and energy into my family.

 

Some updates for us:

Jacob has Drill this weekend.

We rode on Amtrak this past weekend! Peter loved it!

Peter trick or treated for the first time yesterday and really enjoyed it. He hid his face every time he sees something scary. He would duck his head into Jacob’s neck. How I wish I could just be carried and I could hid away from my fears like a two year old.

I’m going slowly on the weight loss, but I’m STILL losing, and that’s the point. I’m at 209.4 pounds today! That’s a loss of 9 pounds this month! I’ll take it! 207 is my 10% goal! Whoop-whoop! I’m going to make my family clap for me (because I need that feedback).

Peter is growing and pushing boundaries. It’s amazing to see how his brain works, but because of this growth… he’s seen a lot of time-out lately. In fact, he’s seen so much time-out that he put one of his Army Man in Time-out for shooting another Army Man (that was funny).

Peter can hop on one foot, multiple times. He’s two and a half! That’s some mad skills for him.

He’s really into cutting with scissors right now. So much so, we have to hid the scissors.

Today Peter was telling me a story while I was busy fixing lunch. I had to stop and give him my full attention when he told me to, “Look at me (pointed to his face) in the eyes.” Something that we say to him when we have something important to say. So funny, sweet, and serious.

Our dog is staying with a family friend until Jacob comes back. We said goodbye to him this past weekend. If he gets along really well with them, he may stay with them forever. We’re a little sad about it.

I’m going down to Topeka next week to stay with our BIL, SIL, and nephew. SIL is 38 weeks pregnant and I’m going to come down and clean and do whatever she wants for two days. This is also my last big break from Peter before Jacob leaves and is only the three time I’ve left him this long!

Peter is going to test out a back up daycare this week. We are just going to visit the first time, leave for an hour the second time, 4 hours the next time, and then full day after that. I’m hoping for a smooth transition.

Tomorrow is the next ICAN meeting. ::sigh:: I love ICAN, but hate it all at once. I love it’s a safe place to talk about Peter’s birth, I hate that it’s a monthly reminder of the c-section and it’s still really painful to me. Tomorrow is also a little nerve-racking because I’m going to verbally tell Peter’s birth story out loud… hopefully… if I don’t pass out first. ::weak smile::

We are buying our Christmas presents now. We want to have everything done before Jacob leaves December 7th. We will be celebrating St. Nicholas’ feast day this year (December 6th), instead of Santa Claus.

We are talking of holiday plans and letting family members know of our plans, so it’s not surprising when Jacob’s gone.

We are also discussing Jacob’s leave date. Who’s going to the airport, where we are going to say goodbye, how we are going to explain to Peter…

I’ve been crying a lot lately. A lot. I feel overly emotional about everything right now.

We got an iPod and I’m in LOVE. Seriously love this product.

Jacob and I are participating in a Bible Study about the new translations of the Mass. I’m really enjoying it! I’m also glad it’s only 5 weeks so Jacob and I could go together and have it finished before he leaves.

 

 

That’s some highlights about us for now. I’m hoping to have another photo post soon! We’ve been taking a lot of photos lately!

 

Busy times

I’m not big about photos in posts because I forget to take them off my camera in a timely manner. Since moving this is what we have been doing.

 

We have gone to the Zoo twice. We love it and plan on getting a membership!

If you can tell, Peter likes to draw with markers (the marks on arm), play the Wii, and sleep without clothes in our bed.

Science Center of Iowa! Peter was so excited for the Birthday Party!

Best buddies

Turtles hatched! I didn’t know their shell was soft!

Daddy holding paper for Peter to cut with Scissors! (first time with scissors)

Peter’s First Day of Tot School

Use your imagination and just turn your head. I forgot to move to the correct way. 😀

Peter is such the poser and loved school.

Break time with Daddy! Shared a doughnut and milk.

Not included are the Drill Weekends, Time outs, Cuddle time, Reading Books, Play Dates with new (and old) friends, Mommy (me) starting to Substitute again, and playing outside all the time!

We are super busy and I don’t know when we are going to slow down.

ICAN two

ICAN!

Tuesday, I attended my second meeting of ICAN of Central Des Moines. I came to the first meeting ready to run or pass out from having to say out-loud that Peter was an emergency c-section and I left on almost a high.

Tuesday… I didn’t want to attend. I remember the excitement I had when I left the meeting, but I was still weary. We already had some emotional things happen this week, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to handle it.

Thank goodness my Mom is my mom. Jacob didn’t want to drive the 1.5 hours to the meeting, and frankly neither did I! I wanted an out and was looking for one. My mom said, that she would watch Jacob and that (pretty much) she was making me attend the meeting. She’s my Momma and she still knows what’s best for me (apparently. 😉 ) Now the only way I could sneak out was going to Des Moines and just going shopping for several hours.

I knew once I was there I would be fine, but I was anxious about again telling Peter’s story. I thought if I went alone I would get all the way to Des Moines and then hang out at the library until the meeting was over! I explained to Jacob my fear and he said he would come for support.

Jacob and I talked about all the stuff we needed to talk about (it was a good talk) on the way up. He walked inside with me and high-fived me as I turned to go into the meeting. ::This makes me wish that we dated in college, he would have walked me to class::

I wasn’t as fearful this meeting. I was able to take deep breathes while the introductions were made, and I made mine without freaking out mentally. I was asked towards the end if I had any questions, and I didn’t. I checked out FIVE books from their library to review and take in.

I did learn two new things from this meeting: 1) Because I pushed with Peter the next labor will be a traditional length second pregnancy. I thought I would have another typical longer first birth experience again.  SUPER exciting news to me.  2) Peter was posterior. I didn’t learn this until much much later. Tuesday I learned that it’s super hard to give birth to a posterior baby on your back (like I was told to do). Most woman will have to push for a long time with posterior babies (I pushed 3-4 hours) and if I have another baby that is posterior, there are actions I can take to help move him!

I also made new friend who’s husband joined the military after they were married and is willing to be another support for me. She also lives 30 minutes away from Hometown, so we can have playdates sometime! I was also given a number to an ICAN member who lives in Rural Hometown. The name sounded really familiar to me, but I can’t place her. So I’ll be calling her later today to talk to her about her c-section and then her other three births. Then share about Peter’s birth.

I was also given contact of a midwife who would do home-births for VBAC moms! I’m making an appointment with her to talk about fears, Jacob’s reservations about a home-birth, and information/research I can give to people how are questioning having a home-birth or even a VBAC. I plan on making an appointment soon!

Waiting for Papers

Jacob is actually enlisting at a base in another state, we are waiting for the paperwork to go from that base to the base nearby. Once the paperwork is down here… He’s Enlisting. Then he will be able to pick a leave date for basic, and by pick I mean they may or may not give him two different choices. Depends on when his tech school starts.

 

In other news, looks like Peter’s sickness was short-lived. Thank Goodness! We are off playing and spending time outside!

 

What are some of your favorite activities outside with your child?