I have to admit

Blogging is not a priority right now.

Jacob is leaving next month for basic. Time sees so fleeting right now. I’m really trying to focus my time and energy into my family.

 

Some updates for us:

Jacob has Drill this weekend.

We rode on Amtrak this past weekend! Peter loved it!

Peter trick or treated for the first time yesterday and really enjoyed it. He hid his face every time he sees something scary. He would duck his head into Jacob’s neck. How I wish I could just be carried and I could hid away from my fears like a two year old.

I’m going slowly on the weight loss, but I’m STILL losing, and that’s the point. I’m at 209.4 pounds today! That’s a loss of 9 pounds this month! I’ll take it! 207 is my 10% goal! Whoop-whoop! I’m going to make my family clap for me (because I need that feedback).

Peter is growing and pushing boundaries. It’s amazing to see how his brain works, but because of this growth… he’s seen a lot of time-out lately. In fact, he’s seen so much time-out that he put one of his Army Man in Time-out for shooting another Army Man (that was funny).

Peter can hop on one foot, multiple times. He’s two and a half! That’s some mad skills for him.

He’s really into cutting with scissors right now. So much so, we have to hid the scissors.

Today Peter was telling me a story while I was busy fixing lunch. I had to stop and give him my full attention when he told me to, “Look at me (pointed to his face) in the eyes.” Something that we say to him when we have something important to say. So funny, sweet, and serious.

Our dog is staying with a family friend until Jacob comes back. We said goodbye to him this past weekend. If he gets along really well with them, he may stay with them forever. We’re a little sad about it.

I’m going down to Topeka next week to stay with our BIL, SIL, and nephew. SIL is 38 weeks pregnant and I’m going to come down and clean and do whatever she wants for two days. This is also my last big break from Peter before Jacob leaves and is only the three time I’ve left him this long!

Peter is going to test out a back up daycare this week. We are just going to visit the first time, leave for an hour the second time, 4 hours the next time, and then full day after that. I’m hoping for a smooth transition.

Tomorrow is the next ICAN meeting. ::sigh:: I love ICAN, but hate it all at once. I love it’s a safe place to talk about Peter’s birth, I hate that it’s a monthly reminder of the c-section and it’s still really painful to me. Tomorrow is also a little nerve-racking because I’m going to verbally tell Peter’s birth story out loud… hopefully… if I don’t pass out first. ::weak smile::

We are buying our Christmas presents now. We want to have everything done before Jacob leaves December 7th. We will be celebrating St. Nicholas’ feast day this year (December 6th), instead of Santa Claus.

We are talking of holiday plans and letting family members know of our plans, so it’s not surprising when Jacob’s gone.

We are also discussing Jacob’s leave date. Who’s going to the airport, where we are going to say goodbye, how we are going to explain to Peter…

I’ve been crying a lot lately. A lot. I feel overly emotional about everything right now.

We got an iPod and I’m in LOVE. Seriously love this product.

Jacob and I are participating in a Bible Study about the new translations of the Mass. I’m really enjoying it! I’m also glad it’s only 5 weeks so Jacob and I could go together and have it finished before he leaves.

 

 

That’s some highlights about us for now. I’m hoping to have another photo post soon! We’ve been taking a lot of photos lately!

 

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Leave Date

Jacob’s leaving for basic December 7th. We tentatively askedĀ  for October (that way basic would be done and we could at least Skype on Christmas) or after the New Year, because Christmas is important.

What do we get, December 7th, with maybe a phone call for Christmas. Jacob will be graduating Basic February 3rd. Done with Tech School mid-August.

Very clearly I understand from Jacob’s family that they will be going to Jacob’s graduation too, and will want to be with him the whole time. AND frankly it bothers me. I don’t want to share my husband after not seeing him for almost 9 weeks. I don’t want Peter to have to share his father after missing and crying for him for almost 9 weeks. I also feel like I it would be different if he was coming home straight away, but he’s not. He has another training that lasts for 21 weeks. I think we need to soak up that time as a family. To let Peter have every opportunity to have Jacob’s EVERY attention. But I feel like I can’t tell them to come. And I won’t, their son/grandson/brother is graduating from basic, it’s a big deal for them too. Feeling like I’m going to have to share what little time we have with Jacob is almost too much to think about right now.

We got his leave date almost two weeks ago. I thought I was going to jump on here and excitedly write down how excited we were, but I’m feeling divided. I’m relieved we now have a leave date for Jacob, but sad that it will be over Christmas. I’m happy to be able to pay off bills, but almost nauseous thinking about parenting Peter alone for 10 months. With every happy/excited reaction I think of something I dread.

I’m trying hard to sort out my feelings. Feelings that I thought I would already know what I was going to feel. But here I am, raw and scared.

Yesterday I posted on facebook: is feeling unsettled today. I hate days where I can’t figure out my own feelings, let alone deal with Peter’s big feelings.

Today I woke up and was still feeling off balance, and I sat down to read a quick page in one of my religious books, “Daily Visitor” from 2002 (different things for different days with a mini-homily that matches up with today’s Mass readings).

The Psalm of the day, “Your right hand has saved me, O Lord.”

Mass readings: Acts 16:22-34/John 16:5-11

The Homily was Titled: Absence Means Growth

What it resonated deeply within me today was when you let someone go there’s a ministry called, ‘ministry of absence.’ In the absence of a beloved, we turn to God for help. We develop bonds with other people. We learn new coping skills, seek new ways of growth, do things we otherwise would not have attempted.

What God is giving me with Jacob leaving is a time to Grow, to Deeply depend on Him, and to be able to humble myself to say, “I need help.” I know I won’t be able to do it alone. I know I will have to ask for help and I know I can’t do with without Praying and believing that nothing comes to me without God’s knowledge, instead of being raw and scared I find myself hopeful of the great things God has planned for me for the next year.

Lord, let my ears be open to hear Your Directions. Let my eyes be open to Your Truth. Let my mouth only speak Your Praises. Let my hand only give loving touches. Amen. Alleluia.

Time keeps on ticking, into the future

I hear the clock tock louder then usual today. Every hour is one hour closer to moving. I started to hyperventilate think about it more. I am a planner and I confess, I made an excel spreadsheet about our move.

Dates left, Days Jacob works, Days we have a planned activity, and what I want to get done each day. I feel like a have a little more control after typing it all out.

Thankfully our apartment is not HUGE, but when moving it sure feels like it. Next Wednesday we are moving all our stuff to the dining room and the back of our living room. Leaving Peter’s room mostly untouched until the night before the move. We hope to move everything into the U-Haul Friday then have more time to clean Friday night and Saturday. We have a three page check off list of things to do before leaving. We will be going to Hometown to unload what we need, maybe drop Peter off at other set of Grandparent’s and go to take the rest of things to storage for a couple months.

Jacob has today off and I’m going to take advantage of it. We are going to go to Gage Park to ride the Mini-Train. Yesterday Peter told us: “Get Money, buy ticket, ride train!” We laughed so hard. He’s been talking about ‘his’ moneys and now I know why. He wants to get money to ride the train. ::So cute:: I’m loving this age! Then we are going to pack the rest of our bedroom (mostly done), do laundry for the last time here, the linen closet, and the bathroom.

We have been talking more and more about moving a couple times a day and how we are going to live with Grandma and Papa Bruce for a while. At this time, he seems okay with it. My sister-in-law will be watching Peter the day of the move. We are going to have him move some of his toys to the car he is riding in and also the U-Haul. He will then be whisked away so we can haul butt to get things done.

Pray for us as we get ready to move this week and next. I don’t know how much I’ll be writing. I have a couple things in drafts that I may flesh out to post while I’m moving.

 

Jacob’s Enlisted!!!

I woke up the morning of enlistment with fear in my throat and scared thoughts in my mind. We were waiting for our escort through base when Jacob remembered that he forgot his paperwork at home. At that moment his sister, Rachel, and mom, Kris, drove through. I jumped out, had his mom get in the car with Jacob and told Rachel what happened and we were on our way back to the apartment. As we were leaving I saw my other sister in law, Stella, drive up and look at us. I laughed. She was so confused. Rachel quickly drove us back home, I got the paperwork, raced back to the car, drove back, threw up in my mouth a little, went through the guards, ran inside. I called Jacob several times to make sure he wouldn’t enlist without me.

And was on time. I sat down next to Jacob, holding Peter and fell at peace. The stress and worry lifted and peace flowed through my body. I went back outside to the main waiting area and Jacob’s mom, Rachel (who left for basic today!!), Ben (who was the first to join the Air National Guard, and now works for the Army), his son Levi (who’s 2 too!), and Stella (also in ANG!). I left Peter out there with them so I could concentrate more and Peter could move around.

We went through all the paperwork and I felt fine. Jacob was sworn in (pictures to come, SILs-Stella and Rachel has them). Congratulated. And we took pictures.

The siblings: Rachel, Jacob, (Peter wanted Daddy), and Ben

Our family: Me, Jacob, and Peter (never looking at the camera for a family photo)

 

The whole family (minus Jacob’s dad, couldn’t make it): Rachel, Jacob’s Mom~Kris, Me, Jacob, Peter, Ben, Stella, and Levi

 

Peter and the American Flag

I pray the peace that filled me on the day of enlistment, stays with me as we continue this journey. We may get a leave date during Jacob’s first drill (first weekend in August, 6 days after move). Less than a month from now.