Today was Rough

…For me. Peter was great.

I cried over every little detail. I had to move the carseat from my mom’s car to our car. I realized while putting it in that I ALWAYS have trouble putting it our car and Jacob always finishes it for me. So this morning when the weather is cold, I’m struggling with the carseat while Peter screams in fun terror when the kitties come closer to him. He climbs inside the car (it’s a small two door), and promptly loses his balance and falls out backwards. Thankfully he fell on his bottom and he said it was scared and not hurt.

But I was traumatized. Seriously. So I’m struggling, Peter’s playing when the kittens, and I realize: This is my reality. While I know it’s not forever or even a full year. It’s a long time. I ended up putting the carseat on the side, instead of the middle. The side I can do fine, for some reason it’s the middle that screws me up.

It’s fine, Peter’s fine, and I’m crying.

I decide to go to Subway and treat myself to a healthy lunch. We go in and order without problems, Peter wants to stay and eat but we are going over to a friend’s house. Fine. He rolls with the punches. On the way out I see an old friend (this is my Hometown, after all). She asks how I’m doing and I smile and say, “Fine. Today has been tear free” pointing at Peter. She looks at me weird and I realized that she doesn’t know that Jacob left for Basic. I tell her and then she asks, “Oh. How are things going?” I BURST into tears. I hate crying in public. I stutter out, “I guess I can’t talk about it.” She nods and holding Peter’s hand I walk to the car.

(Also my glasses, which were on the last leg, broke. I’m squinty and have a vague headache from it.)

Earlier today Peter asked, “Where’s Daddy?” I was able to say, “Remember, Daddy got on the airplane and is learning how to fix the airplanes. He’s not going to be home for a long time, but he’s safe.” He nods his head, “Okay.”

And that’s it. It’s that simple for him today.

Sometimes I have to image myself laying in God’s hands (like a bed), I see Jesus as my blanket, the Holy Spirit giving me a breeze (warm or cool). I pretend the Blessed Mother is stroking my hair like my Momma does when I was little and sick. I just have to remember God knows what I’m going to go through. God opened this path for us to Trust in him to follow.

I’m following God today and it was hard. I offer up my suffering in union with the Suffering of Jesus on the Cross.


I have to admit

Blogging is not a priority right now.

Jacob is leaving next month for basic. Time sees so fleeting right now. I’m really trying to focus my time and energy into my family.


Some updates for us:

Jacob has Drill this weekend.

We rode on Amtrak this past weekend! Peter loved it!

Peter trick or treated for the first time yesterday and really enjoyed it. He hid his face every time he sees something scary. He would duck his head into Jacob’s neck. How I wish I could just be carried and I could hid away from my fears like a two year old.

I’m going slowly on the weight loss, but I’m STILL losing, and that’s the point. I’m at 209.4 pounds today! That’s a loss of 9 pounds this month! I’ll take it! 207 is my 10% goal! Whoop-whoop! I’m going to make my family clap for me (because I need that feedback).

Peter is growing and pushing boundaries. It’s amazing to see how his brain works, but because of this growth… he’s seen a lot of time-out lately. In fact, he’s seen so much time-out that he put one of his Army Man in Time-out for shooting another Army Man (that was funny).

Peter can hop on one foot, multiple times. He’s two and a half! That’s some mad skills for him.

He’s really into cutting with scissors right now. So much so, we have to hid the scissors.

Today Peter was telling me a story while I was busy fixing lunch. I had to stop and give him my full attention when he told me to, “Look at me (pointed to his face) in the eyes.” Something that we say to him when we have something important to say. So funny, sweet, and serious.

Our dog is staying with a family friend until Jacob comes back. We said goodbye to him this past weekend. If he gets along really well with them, he may stay with them forever. We’re a little sad about it.

I’m going down to Topeka next week to stay with our BIL, SIL, and nephew. SIL is 38 weeks pregnant and I’m going to come down and clean and do whatever she wants for two days. This is also my last big break from Peter before Jacob leaves and is only the three time I’ve left him this long!

Peter is going to test out a back up daycare this week. We are just going to visit the first time, leave for an hour the second time, 4 hours the next time, and then full day after that. I’m hoping for a smooth transition.

Tomorrow is the next ICAN meeting. ::sigh:: I love ICAN, but hate it all at once. I love it’s a safe place to talk about Peter’s birth, I hate that it’s a monthly reminder of the c-section and it’s still really painful to me. Tomorrow is also a little nerve-racking because I’m going to verbally tell Peter’s birth story out loud… hopefully… if I don’t pass out first. ::weak smile::

We are buying our Christmas presents now. We want to have everything done before Jacob leaves December 7th. We will be celebrating St. Nicholas’ feast day this year (December 6th), instead of Santa Claus.

We are talking of holiday plans and letting family members know of our plans, so it’s not surprising when Jacob’s gone.

We are also discussing Jacob’s leave date. Who’s going to the airport, where we are going to say goodbye, how we are going to explain to Peter…

I’ve been crying a lot lately. A lot. I feel overly emotional about everything right now.

We got an iPod and I’m in LOVE. Seriously love this product.

Jacob and I are participating in a Bible Study about the new translations of the Mass. I’m really enjoying it! I’m also glad it’s only 5 weeks so Jacob and I could go together and have it finished before he leaves.



That’s some highlights about us for now. I’m hoping to have another photo post soon! We’ve been taking a lot of photos lately!


We’re dying here

not really, but Peter is sick. Which means that he wants held all the time, weaning is put on hold, and getting him to sleep in his ‘big boy’ bed sucks because no one is sleeping  is hard on all of us.

Jacob is coming back from his second day of drill. We still don’t have a leave date for basic (is God trying to give me ability to be patient?!), but Jacob was asked when he wanted to go, and he said October. Hopefully it will be October, and I’m putting it in God’s hands, because He knows what’s best for us and I can’t dream of things going better without Him.

Peter has been hanging out with his Godfather, James. He’s my youngest brother, and is starting his 3rd year of Seminary School. We dropped him off at the airport today as he’s leaving for World Youth Day in Madrid, Spain. ::color me jealous:: He also has a great opportunity to have a special Mass with the Pope!! It will be a Mass with just Seminarians! We gave him a Rosary for Peter to be blessed by the Pope! I’m very excited for him, please keep him in your prayers.

We are slowly, slowly, slowly unpacking. Peter’s room is unpacked, but cramped as he’s sharing the space with his cousin and storage. Our room still has totes all over, and I don’t think it’s going to get any better for a while, but at least it’s stacked along the walls!

New waters

My Husband, Jacob, and I are both teachers. I taught at a small school for two years and then it closed, due to funding. I am staying at home with our son, Peter, who’s a delightful and challenging two year old. Jacob has been looking for a full-time History teacher job for two years, and it hasn’t happened.

We feel God is calling us to become a Military family. This has scared me deeply. I feel like I’m not going to be able to be a single parent to Peter for 10 months while Jacob is in Basic and Tech school. Each time I feel like it’s not possible, we get a ‘God’s breeze’ just a reassurance that everything will be okay.

Jacob has taken the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) and passed with flying colors. Because of this score, he was able to pick any job he wanted (that was also open). He chose Aviation, I’ll get into that later. 🙂

This is a HUGE change to a family that loves to spend every.single.minute. Together. For our son, who cries when Daddy just goes to work for a couple hours. AND we are also moving 4 hours next month (From Kansas to Iowa), so when Jacob leaves we are close to our families. Who, thankfully, live in the same town.

Genealogy is really important to Jacob, and so I wanted to put this up on a blog so someday our kid(s) and extended family can read about our challenges and joys.