Weight Loss and Wine

I’ve decided to combine two things, thus the post title.

Some days a glass or two of wine will make everything okay (disclaimer: alcoholism is not good and all that jazz, I agree).

I talked to my Mom, who is pretty much the best person in the world, really, and she said I should be able to lose 15 pounds between yesterday and Feb 1st. That’s THREE weeks. Averaging 5 pounds a week, it’s a lot and usually not recommended, but I think I can do it.

I feel hopeful and it’s not just the wine talking.

The things that are holding me back from MAJOR weight loss is emotional baggage I need to let go or resolve. I’ve decided to do it tonight with glass bottle of wine. My Mom is having Peter sleep upstairs with her while I wrestle with this and I’m grateful to be able to have this chance. I know Peter is safe and sometimes I can be franker (franker… is that a word?) with myself with some wine.

While I know it’s some what of the easy way out… I’m okay with it. As long as I’m facing it.

What do you need to face that you’ve been putting off? Join me on this reflective look at ourselves.

And hey, free wine. 😉

And yes.. that’s a water glass. Don’t judge me. LOL

Weight Loss

Remember that one time I posted about joining WW and being all excited.

Yeah. I lost that excitement and now I’m trying to conquer my feeling like a failure. My husband is going to looks all hot and fit and here I am 6 pounds HEAVIER than when he left. Yikes. There is so much emotional baggage behind my weight that I’m wondering if I should see someone to get past it.

How do you learn from your eating mistakes? How do you find the energy to start, One More Time?

I know I have to do it, but I don’t know if I can fail again.

What a debbie downer post.

Routines: Who has them?

Routines.

For the second time in our married life, I’m finally on a daily routine again (The first one lasted 6 months, when Jacob had a steady work schedule).

YES! I’m finally finding something that works for me! I didn’t find it on a blog (though some have some really good ideas), but the simple pen to paper mode.

For numerous days I wrote down what we did and when. Then I gauged what I wanted to do each day and when. I started to slowly move things around. This is the final result. The only thing I haven’t done yet is the thing I want to do most (Isn’t that just life?!), praying in the morning.

 

Non-working Days (no substitute teaching)

6:30-7:00 – Prayer time/ Peter watch TV or join in, if up

7:00 -7:30 – Shower (with Peter most days), Quick swipe of make-up, take the wetness out of the hair and leave it damp, and dress to my shoes for the day

7:30 – 8:00(ish) – Make, Eat, and Clean up Breakfast (I like making a weeks worth of food on one day and freezing the rest for the week to come)

8:00 – 11:15 – Open*

11:15 -12:00 – Make, Eat, and Clean up Lunch

12:00 – 1:30 – Read a couple books with Peter/Quiet Time/ Nap-time

1:30 – 5:00 – Open*

5:00 -6:00 – Supper (my Mom cooks most days: Score for me)

6:00 – 7:00 – Open*

7:00 – 7:30 – Clean up rooms, Chores, Books, Prayers, Bedtime clothes and Peter in bed for the night (watching an episode of Curious George, if needed)

7:30- 10:00 PM-  ME TIME!  Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday my Mom will listen for Peter while I go to the gym! Monday and Thursday is Craft time. Wednesday and Saturday are zone out nights.

7:30 PM – 5:30 AM – The goal is to have Peter in his room this whole time so I can get a good night’s sleep

 

The “Open” parts of the day I actually have something in mind. However, I’m not going to go all out right away, because I don’t want to get overwhelmed. Now it’s just random: computer time, play time in Peter’s room, Price’s Right, play time at friend’s house, Gym time at the Community Center with Peter, School time, and random craft.

Ideally, I would like the first chunk of time to be just for school. The second chunk of time to be just for outside/Gym time play and/or  hang out with friends. The last chunk of time to be for family interaction time with Peter. Ideally.

If I don’t get to it, no biggie, because my New Year’s Resolution is to be kinder to myself.

The second part of this is getting Peter to sleep in his bed all night. He wakes up every night at 1AM. He has since the dawn of time. Seriously. It’s almost clockwork. Jacob and I would just bring him into bed with us, but I’m having issues with him turning sideways and kicking me while he sleeps . It’s a new thing and I’m not a fan. So I decided I’m fine with him getting into bed with me at 5:30 AM because he will sleep longer in the morning if I’m in the same room. However, I have to get up and go back and forth between my room and his A LOT lately. Which means I’m not getting as much sleep as I want. In the long run, I will get more sleep. ::repeats to self, I will get more sleep:: Last night I was in and out of his room a dozen times. I counted. Between 1 and 2 AM was 8 times and between 4 and 5 AM was 4 times. I let him get into bed with me at 5AM.

This is what Peter looks like at 8PM. So cute with his Monkey and Crucifix.

Since I’m not getting as much sleep, I’m having problems getting up before him to pray. As in, I haven’t done it yet. This is also because I’m having problems getting in bed at 10PM. I need to start to go to sleep at 10PM because I know me and how much sleep I need. A massive amount.

So it’s a work in progress, but I like the way we are going. Things are clicking along better for us and the days are shorter because we are busy instead of just floating along. Meaning: Closer to see Jacob!!

Meanwhile: Anyone have any tips on having Peter say goodbye to Jacob a second time? I have a feeling it’s going to be harder than the first time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Phone Calls and other jazz

Some things I’ve learned about phone calls while Jacob’s at Basic.

Before getting a phone call I would jolt down some things I needed to discuss with him. 15 minutes is a lot to cram a weeks worth of information.  Since you write stuff down you can really prioritize what matters the most.

Usually I talk first and let Jacob compose himself. Just normal things that are happening here and about Peter. After a minute or two he normally gives a rundown on things he wants to talk about. I’m there to listen, give support, laugh, and pray with him. Quick Peter moment (more noted below), and I say anything I need to say (prime example: We didn’t get our first paycheck and I needed go ask some quick down and dirty questions. We played “Which bills will be paid this month” and “Shall there be Christmas?”). We say our goodbyes before it’s time to hand up. In fact, we say our goodbyes a couple minutes before the phone call is supposed to end. It’s sucky harder to end a phone call with a “I gotta go, bye!”

Then the last moments we say one thing that this experience will help us do. We have to look at the fact that Jacob is doing this for a reason. We wouldn’t be able to last financially if he wasn’t doing this. Since we  live modestly (mostly) Jacob’s time away will pay off all the little bills that have been paid on little by little (my medical bills/dentist bills), we will be able to save money while he’s gone, we may be able to buy a ‘new to us’ car when he’s done. That would be great, because our one car will not last forever. There is a sacrifice that’s real and hard. Being able to pinpoint something that we are able to get from this experience good, some weeks are rough.

Remember, the phone call will be over in a blink. This is my time to be strong for Jacob. After the phone call, I usually cry (or feel like crying) for 20 minutes. The amount of time crying after a phone call has decreased each week.

We are halfway done.

 

Phone calls with kids:

Peter’s handling his Dad’s absence in a way I didn’t prepare for… He’s ignoring it. It’s been a blessing but sad. He doesn’t like talking about his Dad being gone, but I’m able to tell when he’s acting out because he’s sad or missing his Dad. When that point comes we talk about it. I still mention Jacob like I normally do, but I need to respect that this is the way that he’s handling it.

Peter has a Build-a-Bear (Tiny Daddy Bear =TDB) that’s great. When he’s missing his Dad he pushing on TDB’s  foot and hears Jacob say, “Daddy loves you Peter.” When he’s squeezing TDB and pushing the button over and over… It’s a rough day. Jacob recorded several video clips for Peter (and one for me!), and that’s when I pull it out. We watch Daddy reading books or singing songs or talking about “We don’t pick our nose.” Usually Peter will be able to tell me when he’s done with the videos and ready to play again. For Peter naps and bedtimes are the worst.
This also puts us in a unique position when it comes to phone calls. Peter didn’t want to do it. At all. The first time he was pooping and said, “I no talk, I ppppppooooping (with a grunt).” The second phone call he was sleeping and the third his cousins were here playing and he just couldn’t leave them to play.

While it makes Jacob sad, he understands. Peter will draw Daddy pictures or pray for him before bed. He just doesn’t want to talk to him on the phone.

On Christmas Peter did a quick “Merry Christmas Daddy,” before running away to play. On New Year’s day (a Sunday) Jacob got a 30 minute phone call and Peter said, “Happy New Year Daddy.” He then blabbed a couple words I didn’t understand and then said bye. It’s a slow process.

I have to prep Peter. Daddy may be calling tomorrow, today, this afternoon…. Is there anything you want to say? Can you say ::insert message:: OR I feel Daddy would be very happy if you were able to say “I love you” today.

It’s a slow process. Jacob takes what he’s given in the loving way it was meant. It’s not a lot for adults to say, but from our two year old it’s a great gift.

Frankly, I would rather go about it this way then to have a screaming crying inconsolable  toddler on a phone call.

Jacob has the opportunities to earn extra phone calls. Jacob’s so awesome that he’s had two extra oh shit where’s my phone phone calls and one extended phone call (besides Christmas).

Four more phone calls before we’re able to see, to hug, to hold, to laugh with him.

I can’t wait.

 

New Years

I know all around the world people are making resolutions and doing new things. I feel like I’m hoping that train.

 

This year, 2012, I’m going to do THREE things:

  1. Be kinder to myself.
  2. Practice positive self talk.
  3. When life overwhelms me, I’ll take a breath and continue on the path God as directed our family

 

It doesn’t seem like much, but that’s what I’m doing. 🙂

Phone Calls

Today is the first day that Jacob can call us. It’s 5:30 pm and I’ve checked and rechecked my phone. Is it on? Volume up all the way? It’s nerve-racking.

I guess I expected him to call earlier. Now I’m having thoughts like, what happens if his phone doesn’t work and I didn’t add on minutes like I was supposed to. AGH!

I have a feeling that I will be on pins and needles until he calls. Hopefully today. Or I may cry.

Today was Rough

…For me. Peter was great.

I cried over every little detail. I had to move the carseat from my mom’s car to our car. I realized while putting it in that I ALWAYS have trouble putting it our car and Jacob always finishes it for me. So this morning when the weather is cold, I’m struggling with the carseat while Peter screams in fun terror when the kitties come closer to him. He climbs inside the car (it’s a small two door), and promptly loses his balance and falls out backwards. Thankfully he fell on his bottom and he said it was scared and not hurt.

But I was traumatized. Seriously. So I’m struggling, Peter’s playing when the kittens, and I realize: This is my reality. While I know it’s not forever or even a full year. It’s a long time. I ended up putting the carseat on the side, instead of the middle. The side I can do fine, for some reason it’s the middle that screws me up.

It’s fine, Peter’s fine, and I’m crying.

I decide to go to Subway and treat myself to a healthy lunch. We go in and order without problems, Peter wants to stay and eat but we are going over to a friend’s house. Fine. He rolls with the punches. On the way out I see an old friend (this is my Hometown, after all). She asks how I’m doing and I smile and say, “Fine. Today has been tear free” pointing at Peter. She looks at me weird and I realized that she doesn’t know that Jacob left for Basic. I tell her and then she asks, “Oh. How are things going?” I BURST into tears. I hate crying in public. I stutter out, “I guess I can’t talk about it.” She nods and holding Peter’s hand I walk to the car.

(Also my glasses, which were on the last leg, broke. I’m squinty and have a vague headache from it.)

Earlier today Peter asked, “Where’s Daddy?” I was able to say, “Remember, Daddy got on the airplane and is learning how to fix the airplanes. He’s not going to be home for a long time, but he’s safe.” He nods his head, “Okay.”

And that’s it. It’s that simple for him today.

Sometimes I have to image myself laying in God’s hands (like a bed), I see Jesus as my blanket, the Holy Spirit giving me a breeze (warm or cool). I pretend the Blessed Mother is stroking my hair like my Momma does when I was little and sick. I just have to remember God knows what I’m going to go through. God opened this path for us to Trust in him to follow.

I’m following God today and it was hard. I offer up my suffering in union with the Suffering of Jesus on the Cross.